Some updates after a long hiatus:

1. Rozie went for Haj with her parents, she'll be back on Nov 25th if I got it right. She texted me last week saying they are in Madinah still, will depart for Mecca this Wednesday (tomorrow). She asked me what do I want while she's in Madinah. Oh the same old Rozie. I don't really know what to say, I said your doa is enough but if she can find me a small sized Abaya it'd be great. Hahaha

2. On 2nd week of Raya, I joined Rozie at Hatyai for short vacation. She was having a meeting there, so I used my offdays. Well, the trip was OK and I really liked the sudden vacation style. Sometimes we don't need a plan for a vacation to happen unless the place we are going requires a Visa i.e. Japan. Next vacation will be decided once Rozie is back here from her Haj.

3. Met good friend today after quite a while. Just had some talks and some listening but I think most of it was listening. Well, as usual he's complaining about his work. It's OK since he paid for my drinks hahaha. He told the server, take her order, whatever she wants. Silly. One good news out of it, his wife is pregnant with a second child which is due for labor next February. Congrats beb! Livina is surely paid-off! He bought a Livina for his family car. Good for them.

4. I think I hate my job. That's it for the time being.

Being home with nothing to do. Already washed all the baju kurungs and swept the living room and bedroom. Too many hairs on the floor, could not bear it anymore. Was thinking of sending the rest of my dirty clothes for laundry but too lazy to get out. So, I had my financial arranged, at least that's what I think I have been doing. While watching Ugly Betty season 4 online, I gathered a small notebook and a pen. Jotted all my usual pay for every month and re-count every amount each month. The amount is ridiculous but by middle of next year, I should have covered all my credit cards debt. My car loan will end on Sept next year. That's a big relief. However, I have started paying for house loan interest. And the amount keeps increasing from month to month. It's okay, I have been informed by the banker anyway.

Been sitting in front of the tee-vee and laptop for 2 days, boring. Tonight, Rozie and I will be going to Melor's house for raya. Short visit. Tomorrow, no plans. Maybe when I'm seeing Rozie tonight, we can discuss more. I plan to gather ourselves with uni friends Nomad and Shima. It's kind of fortunate since I have offshift on weekends during this raya. Better make use of it yeah.

I can't imagine working graveyard shift anymore. But I'm hoping to stay for company's bonus and annual increment, which is on April next year. But if, and only if, I ever offered a better pay and it covers these two, I'd surely go. There's no turning back. Provided, it's a normal hours job. No point of moving to the same thing, no matter how high the pay is. It's time for me to be normal. Please pray for me!

I thought I have forgotten him, after almost a year with no communication and all. I almost sure that he's forgotten but I was wrong. How can I forget him, totally? When he called me, I was at shock but managed to hide it perfectly. I know that voice but the number is not in my contact list. I did not want to be too happy about it, so I pretended to ask who is on the other line. He was being him, joking and making fun of my questions until I had to admit that I knew it's him. This is so deja-vu. Someone I never would have thought to call, will call. At least he is not mad at me. For what I've done. I know he'd understand. The difficult situation I placed myself in. I doubt he will contact me again but I hope he knows that I'm okay with everything now. I'm not angry at him anymore. What I hope is to hear his laughters and to know he's happy with his life. Do I sound like I'm letting go? Maybe. Bit by bit. Can't let it go at one shot. Am sure it will pass little by little. He is my friend, one hell of a good friend. I will never forget that. And I know he won't. My feelings won't change much but everything is gonna be fine...

This is why I hate the mobile phone invention. Hate it when I sent a message and the recipient didn't reply. And it's totally obvious when the other recipients replied the message but him. Maybe next year, or even this year when his birthday comes, I should just ignore and leave it out. I'm supposed to do that but being a good friend and a good human, I sent the greetings anyway. I should stop yeah. I'm sad. I know he won't reply but why in the world am I hoping? Silly me. It's OK I guess. As long as I've done my part, just to show him that I don't forget. I still remember. He's still my friend, regardless of his removal from my FB friends' list. Heheh. I still have him in my YM list anyway.

Eid is coming, tomorrow. Holy Friday, Sept 10th 2010. I've spent quite a lot this time, this afternoon I bought myself 2 pairs of Levis, Slight Curve Skinny huhu. And a pair of shoes for raya. For my little sister Ikin, I got her a pair of baju kurung and a couple of blouses, a jeans and a pair of Crocband shoes. My little brother Mamat got a pair of Puma shoes and a shirt. My other younger brother already bought few shirts and jeans for him actually. I also bought a Puma shoes for Topet, my younger brother. So, with all that spendings, no duit raya for them this year. Hahaha. Will go back to Sentul tomorrow, around afternoon. After Zuhur, maybe. Not much to do anyway, mom for sure will be very busy preparing her rendang, ketupat etc. I will try to prepare the chocolate moist cake. Bought the instance packs, for trial purpose hahah. Have another pack if the first pack turned out bad. I have a very long leave this year. 11 days to be exact. Will get back to work on the 19th, which is Sunday hohoho. Planning to spend the first night of raya at Ayer Paabas. We used to stay there for raya but since my grandma passed away about 5 years ago, we never spent a single day or night in that house. We'll see how. Hopefully the plan works out.

Ok, the intention is to let go of my sadness. It's all let out now. A relief, big one. Live a good life you all..mmuaahhhssss. Have a very enjoyable Eid Mubarak and safe driving !! Okay, now please turn yourself green for these two fabs skinny jeans yuhu!! Different size, oddly. The left is 24 and the right one is 25. But ♥ them much!

Author's note: Okay, I was wrong. He called on the first day Raya since he could not reply my message, his phone line is barred temporarily like me. My line is barred since the morning of Raya, stressful. He called me using his wife's phone. Tragic.
 

There are two things that I dreaded the most in my life, weddings and raya gatherings. Obviously, you know what it's all about anyway, considering the fact that I'm still unmarried and happily single. They, the aunties and uncles and cousins and whoever, will forever ask you the same question all over again. Maybe they changed it a little bit from one meet to another but the point is still the same. Why in the world am I still single? Hah. I don't have the answer myself. I never wished to get myself attached to someone I barely liked or I feel uncomfortable with. I know, most of them think of me as a very choosy woman. Sometimes I do feel upset to be called picky and selective but I think if you ever want to be with someone the rest of your life, you have the rights to act that way. I do not want perfectionist, neither do I want someone who is rich, nor handsome. But, I only look for a guy who can stand with me up and down, during my sick and healthy days. We should be a compliment to each other and we should be able to communicate or even fight for the silly stuff. And the most important thing is, he must be my best friend, no less. I (who happen to have a happily married man as a good friend) do want my other-half to feel it's ok to talk to me anything he likes, whenever he likes. But this is a two-way relationship, of course. Both need to be a good listener. I always fell for the guys whom that I can talk to for hours, every single day. Simple stuff is included. Those who can talk to me until the cell went out of battery or listen to my cries and keep listening until I calm down, is the one. You know how it works. Anyway, those species of men is rare nowadays. The last one, who breaks my heart, are with someone else that he loves much more. I let that slipped but it's okay. I learned to accept that, he's not that into me.

Back to those two dreaded stuff, no matter how dreadful and scary it is, I'm still happy to go back hometown and be with them, the ever-busy-body relatives and families. They care about me, I know. Well, just put a big smile on your face and it's all gonna pass. The thing is, you'll never know what God has put for you in His plans. Go with the flow and celebrate!

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

- coldplay =)

I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, thanks to emoking. I saw him online on FB the other day but I don't have the guts to say hi. To tell you the truth, I had texted him on raya eve. It was a raya wishes plus something about our friendship (if there's still any of it left). He didn't reply though but I kinda expect that's gonna come. Yeah, I’ve known him too well to predict that. I know he won't reply but being me, I always give it a shot even though I know he won't bother. Anyway, my point here is, if we love our friends a lot, we tend to do whatever it takes to save the bond. At least I tried. If one day, he accused me again (he used to say I give up on him easily) of being ignorance and forgetful, I’m gonna bring up the part where he has done nothing to save us at all. The part where it didn’t even occur to him to wish me raya wishes like he usually did previously. The part where he never there for me when I really need him to. The all parts!

To emoking, no matter how much pain you are going through right now; just remember that we are here for you. Don’t regret being with us; as friends are the family you choose for yourself and I chose you among others =)