nestrez

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one
And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

- coldplay =)

I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately, thanks to emoking. I saw him online on FB the other day but I don't have the guts to say hi. To tell you the truth, I had texted him on raya eve. It was a raya wishes plus something about our friendship (if there's still any of it left). He didn't reply though but I kinda expect that's gonna come. Yeah, I’ve known him too well to predict that. I know he won't reply but being me, I always give it a shot even though I know he won't bother. Anyway, my point here is, if we love our friends a lot, we tend to do whatever it takes to save the bond. At least I tried. If one day, he accused me again (he used to say I give up on him easily) of being ignorance and forgetful, I’m gonna bring up the part where he has done nothing to save us at all. The part where it didn’t even occur to him to wish me raya wishes like he usually did previously. The part where he never there for me when I really need him to. The all parts!

To emoking, no matter how much pain you are going through right now; just remember that we are here for you. Don’t regret being with us; as friends are the family you choose for yourself and I chose you among others =)

encik gudfren call tadi. aku plan nak lepak dengan dia hari ini. tadi lepak kejap breakfast kat HP dengan hani, rash dan bebudak HP. aku ingat lepas lepak kat HP nak pergi lepak dengan dia lah. alih-alih dia call bagitau dia kat area sime darby nak pergi ke uniAsia insurans tuh. keretanya hilang pulak! aduh. bulan puasa hari tu kemalangan. sebelum raya dapat dah kereta. nih tak sampai sebulan dah hilang. nasib tak baik betul. bukannya parking lama pun, parking kejap je kata dia. dia park dekat stesen lrt wangsa maju tuh, nak pergi kedai. apa lah manusia nih. cubalah fikir sikit pasal tuan kereta yang dia curi tuh. orang ada family jugak. dahla wife tengah sarat nak bersalin hujung bulan november nih. nasib baik wife dia ada kereta. takdelah patah kaki nak bergerak. mintak-mintak semuanya berjalan lancar lah..

nanti kejap lagi dia call la tu kalau masih ada masa nak jumpa dan lepak. buat masa sekarang, aku duduk rumah dulu layan apa-apa yang patut. pen-off now!

Aku trauma betul kalau server yang aku buat change tiba-tiba down. Padahal selepas change tu elok je boleh masuk dan buat segala. Solaris ni nak buat aku jadi gila agaknya. Urghhh. Kerja aku sekarang memang mencabar minda dan menggunakan lebih tenaga kalau nak dibandingkan dengan tempat lama. Tiap-tiap kali shif, mesti ada server yang crash. Aduh. 90% dari tiket yang masuk melibatkan Sun Solaris. Tak kira lah version apa. Semua ada. Sakit jiwa betul. Masuk sini jadi bingung sebab aku satu apa pun tak tahu pasal Solaris. Langsung tak tahu apa!! Jadi budak baru belajar. Bila lah nak pandai. Aiyyarkk..

Solaris solaris solaris..metadevice metadb metalalalaala..ZZZzzzz

The other day I had a chat with emoking. He asked me what do I hope now, on the relationship I have with the ever famous him (famous here la hehe). I really don't have a direct answer for that, yeah it was a direct question. I told him, I hope for that someone to have a happy life with his family. emoking said my answer is too angelic. Hmm. Is it? Hahah.. I don't really know what's my answer would be since my feelings for him have not subsided yet. I do believe that I want him to be happy. I’m happy when he is. I know it's too good of me but I can't do anything here. I’m not the one with the advantages. He is. At least he has someone to turn to when he feels sad i.e. the wifey. I have lost him the day he gets married. I totally lost him the day he gets his first child. There’s nothing to hope. I have lost hope. And I’m hopeless. Well, that's the state I’m in right now. I don't have any hopes for him anymore..

But I do hope that he does not forget to pray for me every day after his prayers. He used to tell me that he never forgets to include me in his prayers. Maybe my only hope is he will never forget me...
 

just came back from lepak sessions with friends. around 9 something in the morning, i was awaken by the call from goodfren. he called yesterday for lunch but i was already somewhere with mekja and rizal having our lunches.asked him to come over but since he was at home,he suggested that we meet today.so,we met.we have a new lepak port, at oldTown selayang.first time i went there and carefully followed his instructions to get there.reached there around 10.45am and managed to grab the breakfast set before it closes at 11am.heee..we both got our breakfast and lepak there until 3.30pm before we went our separate ways.you know how good it feels when we have someone that we can hang out with,feel comfortable with and feel safe to be with.that's how i felt being with him all these times.we have a truly platonic relationship without any lovey dovey feelings attached.and that's how we both like it.this is one guy friend that i could not afford to lose and i hope we stay friends until death comes.

later,i went to my ex-company and had drinks with ex-mates.hehe.full of juicy gossips hahaha.right now i feel blessed having friends like them.no need to mention names, you know who you are beb! pen-off now..

Sempena Syawal yang akan tiba dalam 5 hari ini, aku ingin mengambil kesempatan yang sedikit ini untuk mengucapkan Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya AidilFitri. Jika ada salah dan silap sepanjang berkawan, mintak dimaafkan. Halalkan makan dan minum segala. Raya kali ini mungkin aku balik kampung raya ke-3 sebab nak tunggu adik-adik aku sekali. Diorg nak beraya bersama keluarga mertua masing-masing dulu. Raya kali ini juga merupakan raya pertama bagi dua orang anak saudara aku, Daniel dan Awatif. Nak bagi duit raya lagi huhu..

Tak tahu lah nak cakap apa lagi. Banyak nak cerita tapi lain kali sahaja lah. Aku nak gembira untuk Hari Raya..

lagi 2 minggu nak raya yay! baju raya yang sebenarnya bukanlah baju raya pun dah ambil itu hari.
itupun hani yang ambilkan. hahah. dia pun tempah kat kedai yang sama, dia yang suruh hantar situ.
cuti raya dah lulus. takdelah lama sangat tapi cukuplah untuk aku. heheh. sebelum raya dapat cuti,
selepas raya pun dapat cuti. raya ke-5 baru mula shift.

kerja tempat baru ni sangatlah busy. hectic sampai tak sempatlah nak online apa-apa pun. nak
layan jurnal orang lagilah tak sempat. tapi hectic yang takdelah sampai hadap laptop je manjang.
kalau takde apa-apa nak buat, kitorang melepak di pantry aka ikea. kenapa ikea? sebab semua kat
dalam pantry tu datang dari ikea. kecuali peti ais dengan nescafe punya drink-maker tu je bukan ikea.
pokok-pokok, pasu, pinggan, sofa, meja, tong sampah semua ikea. kira macam codeword la nih.

"jom rad kita ke ikea" "jom jom makan biskut orang tua"

biskut orang tua ialah biskut lemak yang cicah dengan kopi baru sedap herher. macam-macam code.
walaupun sangat busy jika dibandingkan dengan company dulu, tapi seronok. mencabar. sangat.
faham? hahah. aku suka benda-benda baru yang aku memang tak pernah buat ni. 90% kat ofis baru
ni semua aku tak pernah tengok dan tak pernah buat kat ofis lama. memang menyeronokkan. plus,
aku dapat team yang ngam. harap-harap rasa suka tu takdelah sekejap sahaja. aku pun ada target untuk
ke depan dan berada lama di ofis baru ni. selepas setahun, aku kenalah fikir macam mana. nak terus
ataupun..herher..

rozie dah nak balik sini selasa depan. bolehlah geng2 jumpa berbuka bersama. hehe. itu aku serahkan
kepada cik rozie untuk organize. hahahah. dia bukannya ada kerja pun, dia balik lepak je hahahah

ok, nak layan cerekarama. ciao!!

today my colleagues and i had free lunch at bubba gump shrimp & co, the curve. we were treated by our ESX trainer from US.
he came over to give us trainings on how to build VMware servers. he is a nice gentleman, a divorcee with kids. well, what
prompted me to blog is not about his manners or anything eventhough i'm quite charmed by his humbleness or the way he
mingles with people. it's something about what he said over lunch that made me wonder if i'm bold enough to initiate a change
in any way possible.

he has gone through few changes in life, mainly the change in lifestyle. 10 years ago he weighed around 250 pounds but looking
at him now you might say 'no way dave!'. oh, he's called dave. he has a body like a gym trainer and he's as fit as an active young
guy would be, and he's approaching the big fat 50. what he did was, he quit smoking and drinking few years back when he realized
that he needs to take care of his body and take control of his life. he vowed to change and made something different by the time
he reached his 40s. what amazed me is, he's living in a boat!! i do envy him a lot..hmm..i smell freedom in him.

getting to know him is like breathing fresh new life. i don't know if i could change my life in a way that it'd get others inspired,
just like what he did to me. if i can change one thing, i want to have a different life and live it freely with no strings attached.
sounds impossible but if we are afraid to change, then there is no point in dreaming big. i have a dream and i will make it happen.
i changed a lot. my childhood friends can proved that. this time i want to change my geographical area heheh

well, 10 years from now, you should be seeing me on the other part of the world, hopefully on other continent. ganbarimaassss!!
 

oh, that bitch never stopped making me broke
how i wish that i could just live peacefully without her issues bugging me again and again
this should be the last i heard of her

to her and the collector, FUCK OFF!!!!

shif malam pertama di kampeni baru :D apa nak buat, dah memang ini je aku boleh buat huhu..kerja la jugak
nak kumpul duit beli rumah, kenalah kerja kuat sikit hahah
so munz,janganlah cakap aku suka kerja shif ni sebab aku memang pandang tang duit sahaja wakakaka
(kalau kau baca la blog aku nih kan, kalau tak, we've already sort that out this afternoon :P)

siang tadi aku tak boleh tidur langsung. bangun awal pukul 10pagi (her..mana ada awal tuh ahah)
jiran atas asyik bertukang je dari pagi sampailah lewat petang. masuk keje pukul 6.45ptg,
takkan nak tidur pukul 6ptg kot. deym betul!! sekarang ni aku dah mengantuk tahap apatah..
ini bukan shif aku sebenarnya, aku menumpang je. ganti hari-hari yang aku pergi paintball :)
tapi ok jugalah sebab hani dengan rizal ada sekali..hee

petang tadi ada member paintball tegur aku di fb, bersembang sakan la kan..
tapi ada satu soalan dia buat aku gelak..

dia: btw, ko ni memang pendiam eh?

aku macam terkejut ditanya soalan begitu sebab aku memang la pendiam ahahaha
aku pun jawabla aku ni memang senyap tapi kalau dah kenal ok je sembang..
dia pun sebutlah nama-nama yang rajin tegur dia hehe..dia siap kata aku sombong
waaahh...sangat ketara ke tahap diam aku ni? erm..dia tak kenal aku lagi tu
esok kalau dah kenal, penat pulak nak layan..kan?

apa-apa pun, seronok dapat jumpa member-member paintball yang selalunya tegur di fb sahaja
kepada team raptor, tahniah kerana berjaya mengekalkan kejuaraan divisyen 3 kali ini..
untuk urban rush, tahniah dapat mara sehingga quarter 8!! kita cuba lagi di astaka!
yay!!